Mavericks owner Mark Cuban announced today the signing of two prestigous basketball players known for their verstality and basketball fundamentals. The GEICO Insurance spokesman, or spokeslizard, has decided to call it quits in the TV industry and offer assistance to the Maverick's basketball squad. He is a much needed replacement as a backup to Steve Nash. In a direct trade with GEICO, the Mavericks will give up Nick "the quick" Van Exel, who will begin working with GEICO marketing managers in producing upcoming insurance commercials.

     "The Lizard offers something that we have never been accustomed to here in Dallas. He can slither between opposing players and avoid defensive pressure so easily. No one will be able to guard him. He presents an immediate match up problem for any team," said coach Nelson. The lizard recently played in a summer league in California and averaged 17.7 points, 7.8 assists, 3.5 rebounds, and a whopping 6.5 steals a game. He is lightning quick out there on the court," says forward Dirk Nowitzki," and he offers an imposing match up for larger guards he plays against. Plus he seems like a great guy, I mean reptile. I am going to take him down to Deep Ellum and give a welcome to the Big D party with some of the other guys this weekend."

     The lizard, after NBA approval, will be allowed special shoes that allow him to jump much higher than he would naturally. They are outfitted with special titanium springs powered by a battery charged lithium filled cartridge that allows him to fly up to nine feet. So that means no dunks for Mav fans. But with his shooting percentage at an amazing 59.7%, he will not need to dunk over opponents. "The guy, I mean lizard, is simply amazing. He has a strong exercise routine. I was surprised he was even able to lift the ball, but the guy is a mini titan or something. Wow! His dribbling skills are unreal, maybe he can teach me a thing or two about the game," said guard Steve Nash.

     Another key addition made was a deal with the frozen vegetable producer Green Giant. They are giving up the Jolly Green Giant on loan to the Mavs for an unprecedented $6.5 million a year contract. This means that technically he is still under contract with the vegetable company, but that should not affect his stint with the Mavs and their playoff run.

     Standing 8 feet 5 inches tall, he immediatley becomes the most imposing player in the league. He will give Shaquel O'Neal of the L.A. Lakers a run for his money. " He is unstoppable. The man is a giant, really he is," said Popeye Jones, a backup center for the Mavericks. What he lacks in the offensive category of his game he makes up for in defense. He forces other players to change their game entirely. "He is like a brick wall out there. It just proves why mama always said to eat your vegetables,"said assistant coach Sidney Moncrief.

     His addition has other teams scouring the industry looking for possible players to indroduce into the NBA. One notable figure is the Brawny lumber jack who has talked about signing with the Minnesota Timberwolves. Mr. Clean is also another likely candidate for playing with the Portland Trailblazers. "The problem with signing such famous characters is that they have certain obligations to other outside forces...and plus they want so much (expletive) money," said Phil Jackson of the Los Angeles Lakers.