MEETS

When we last left Austin Powers, he was slowly and stealthily sneaking into Dr. Evil's latest massive and overconstructed secret lair. Well, it wasn't quite a secret lair, otherwise how would Austin Powers know where to sneak into?

In any case, he creeping through the air ducts, which were large and roomy, large enough for three people to walk abreast. Finding an open grate, he swung out of the duct and dropped down to the floor. Strangely, the lair seemed empty...abandoned.

Austin ran through the large computer room full of boxes that blinked for no apparent reason. He heard soft speaking in a nearby room. He crept up to door, and listened. The voice was none other than his nefarious nemesis, Dr. Evil!

"Ahh, now to sit down and enjoy a Mimosa and watch television," Dr. Evil sighed.

"Finally, baby!" Austin thought. Evil, defenseless! Austin pulled out his masculine phallic-type gun and sidled up behind Dr. Evil's extremely oversized black leather chair. "Gotcha baby!" Austin shouted triumphantly.

Dr. Evil gave a worldweary sigh, and turned around in his chair. "Could this wait? My favorite television show is coming on now." Evil gestured to the large 45-inch Evil Television set, complete with Evil Surround Sound Stereo.

Austin glanced at the TV, slightly confused. As he watched the TV, he saw that the show Evil was referring to was "Babylon 5."

"You watch 'Babylon 5?'" Austin asked the doctor, shocked.

"Yes," the bald baddie nodded. "I only recently begun watching it, but I've become drawn into its web of evil."

"I like the show too! It's groovy!" Austin exclaimed. "Mind if I sit for a bit and watch the telly along with ya?"

Dr. Evil sighed. "Very well, if you must. But after the show, I shall spring the deathtrap which you have so foolishly walked into."

"What deathtrap?"

"Shh!" Evil snapped, his eyes fixed upon the TV screen. Well, actually, just the one good eye. They lazy eye was off looking at God knows what.

"Might you have any TAB?" Austin asked.

"Shh!" Evil snapped once again, waving towards the Evil Kitchen, where the Evil Refrigator resided.

An hour later, the two mortal enemies sat, savoring the episode of "Babylon 5" that they had just viewed.

Austin grinned, "Fab show!"

"For once, we agree," Dr. Evil nodded. He turned in his plush Evil recliner to look at Austin Powers. "How long have you been watching?"

"My first night after reanimation, I caught a show. I thought it was delicious, so I used my government connections to get tapes of the earlier shows," Austin explained. "I've seen every episode. The final episode was great! I very nearly got the sniffles."

"Shh! Shh! Shh! I do not wish to hear further of the final episode!" Evil shut his eyes tightly. "This one was the most recent I've seen. Season Three."

"Hot and heavy season, baby!" Austin grinned goofily.

"Before I dispatch you to the great beyond," Evil frowned at Austin, "would you mind answering another question?"

"Shoot, baby."

"Why do you like 'Babylon 5?'"

Austin frowned and thought about it for a few minutes. Finally he answered. "It's got loads of action, adventure, groovy visuals, and most important of all, groovy birds!"

"Birds?" Evil inquired.

"Yeah!" Austin nodded happily. "Chicks, babes, tomatoes, hot mamas, femmes, --"

"Shh! Enough of your incessant chatter. I understand perfectly well now," Evil said. He used his evil remote to open a evil wall monitor. Several pictures showed up on the screen. "I do not know why, but I must admit I am interested in your...opinion. Which..'birds' do you like the best? Delenn? Ivanova? Talia? Lyta?

"I shall respect your opinion, no matter how erroneous and ridiculously inane it may be," Evil said.

"Yeah, you got your bag, baby, and I got mine, baby," Austin nodded. "Hey, have you been to any conventions yet?"

"No, but I have been planning to attend one. I wish to converse with other fans, and possibly recruit some into the ranks of my Evil Henchmen army. None of the ones I have appreciate the Evil genius that is 'Babylon 5,'" Dr. Evil lamented. "Have you been?"

"Yeah baby, they're swinging, dude! Real happening! I've got pics too. Wanna see?"

"In a word, evil," Dr. Evil, Ph.D, answered. "The show covers the sublime aspects of evilness and the webs of deceit and the machevellian politics and backstabbing. To use the vulgar phrase, 'It gives me a chubby.' Plus, I like the explosions. Boom! Boom! Boom!"

Austin frowned, unsure of what to say to that. "Uh, groovy...?"

Evil continued on, unaware of Austin's expression. "I wish I could hire on some of the show's villains as my evil lieutenants. Number 2...well, he only looks out for Number 2. Scott... well he's a terrible disappointment to me. Mini-Me...I loved him so, but apparently he's gone. I don't know where...last I saw him was after I distinctly heard a flush."

"Eh, yeah," Austin shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"In fact, I've designed costumes for them. It's very simple for me. As you know, I enjoy designing quasi-futuristic outfits. Would you like to see?" Dr. Evil raised his Evil remote and pressed a evil button on it. A trapdoor opened a few meters away from them, and flames rose out of the hole in the floor. "Oops," Evil said. "Wrong evil button." He pressed another button, and the trapdoor closed, and the wall monitor displayed several photographs. "See," Evil gestured.

After finishing his fourth TAB, Austin belched loudly. Dr. Evil looked askance at the secret agent and sniffed disdainfully.

"You know, I've been thinking," Austin remarked.

"A novel experience for you, I'm sure," Evil retorted.

Austin continued on oblivious to the barb. "Two of the characters on 'Bab 5' seem very familiar to me." Austin looked at Dr. Evil's remote. "Say, since you've got pics of the baddies, might you have pics of other characters?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have a complete database on the television show."

"Use that jobbie to flip through the pics, if you please?"

Dr. Evil obliged and photos of various "Babylon 5" characters scrolled across the large Evil Monitor.

"Yeah!" Austin exclaimed. "That one, and that one baby!"

"Well, that was a most enjoyable chat," Dr. Evil sighed. "Now, I must kill you, you interfering boob."

"Whaaa!" Austin shouted, leaping up onto his chair, pausing in a pose for the camera.

Will Austin Powers escape from this latest deathtrap?

Will Dr. Evil ever succeed in whatever his latest scheme is?

I don't know, but I'll wait for the next movie!