STTC Mission Log 7 JOURNEY THROUGH THE BAZAAR Fonda and Johnson

JOURNEY THROUGH THE BAZAAR
Fonda and Johnson
by Edward H. Bart IV

        “Knock knock.”
        Fonda sighed and looked up from her desktop monitor. “What?”
        Captain Johnson smiled and said, “No, you’re supposed to say ‘Who’s there?’”
        The chief engineer frowned in puzzlement. “Why?”
        “Ah never mind...” Johnson shook his head and walked into the Chief Engineer’s office. He looked through the transparent partition at the twin warp cores of the U.S.S. Courageous, thrumming softly. Partially obscured several engineers standing over a monitoring station, the Quantum Slipstream Drive flickered dimly.
        Johnson knew that when online, the QSD had the radiance of a miniature blue star. Now, it lay dormant... asleep, if one was so inclined to attach sentience to it. Johnson wasn’t exactly so inclined. The ship hadn’t yet ingrained herself into him yet. He had only been living aboard for about six months. He had lived on his previous ship for almost a decade.
        He still missed her.
        The transition from the Kitty Hawk-A was made more bearable with familiar faces surrounding him, Lieutenant Commander Janelle Fonda for one. The captain turned around to look at her, smiling.
        She returned his smile with a blank stare and the barest hint of annoyance.
        “The shore leave roster has been drawn up, and I’ve already looked over it and approved it. I noticed one thing, though,” Johnson said, leaning a hand on Fonda’s desk.
        “What’s that?”
        “You didn’t sign up.”
        “Oh,” Fonda half-muttered, looking back at her monitor. “I don’t need any shore leave. I have work to do.”
        “I beg to differ,” Johnson said. “I thought about it... racked my brain a little bit... trying to remember the last time you took any voluntary shore leave time. I gave up trying to remember and looked it up on the computer. Know how long it’s been?”
        “Months?”
        “Correction,” Johnson held up a finger. “Years. It’s a bit disturbing, and I don’t know why it didn’t raise any flags with personnel. There’s been a marked drop-off since... him.”
        “Well, obviously after him, I got busy,” Fonda said. “New priorities in life, for example.”
        Johnson stopped leaning on the desk and walked to the other side of the office, clasping his hands behind his back. “Yes, granted you now have other things occupying your time. But having a child doesn’t mean your social life has to disappear beyond the event horizon! She’s living with your parents, so you certainly can’t use her as a crutch now. I mean, when’s the last time you’ve had a date?”
        “I don’t know, why don’t you look it up on the computer?” Fonda shot back.
        Johnson rubbed the bridge of his nose. He took a breath and sighed it back out. “I’m not trying to get on your case, Janelle. I’m trying to ask you out.”
        “You what?”
        “Dinner. Over there.” Johnson jerked his thumb over his shoulder. He paused and looked around, then pointed to his left. “There, actually. The commerce station apparently has entire decks full of restaurants and food emporiums. Let’s go over there and have dinner.”
        Fonda started to speak, but then she paused. Finally she said, “I appreciate the offer, but...”
        “But nothing,” Johnson said. “I’ll meet you at your quarters at 1900 hours. Dress nice.” The captain turned to walk out of the office, signaling the end of the conversation.
        Fonda sighed and stared at her monitor.
        “Oh, actually...”
        Fonda looked up again to see Johnson leaning back into her office. “Just wear a clean uniform. I ordered all Starfleet personnel to remain in uniform when visiting the station. So, you know... belay the ‘dress nice’ order. 1900 hours.” He shot her a smile and popped out of her office.

        A date with Thomas... Fonda worried that she was smiling too much as she walked through the corridors of the ship. She stopped in front of the turbolift, waiting behind two other crewmates. Her thoughts continued walking along in her mind. She entered the turbolift mechanically, not aware of her surroundings.
        She thought about the things she had planned to do that evening... a letter home to her parents and daughter... reviewing Hiroshi’s status report which was due at the end of shift... cleaning up and organizing her quarters... For a brief moment, Fonda felt a mild flash of annoyance at having her schedule disrupted. On the other hand, it’s dinner with Thomas, she thought to herself.
        She smiled again, then realized she was near her quarters. She had walked back to her quarters by rote. A few more steps and she would have passed the door to her quarters entirely. She looked around to see if anyone else had seen her, but the corridor was empty. Though nobody was around, she felt embarrassed.
        She tapped her personal code into the door’s keypad and walked into the dark quarters.
        As soon as the lights turned on, Fonda frowned. Wait a minute, a date? Fonda stopped in her mental tracks. It’s not a date. It’s not a date. He’s married. He wouldn’t... would he?
        Fonda had served with Johnson for many years, and counted him as one of the few people she could trust. He was one of her few friends. She knew what her subordinates said about her behind her back. “She’s got the personality of a Vulcan and the serenity of a Klingon.” Worse had been said about her. She didn’t care- she was here to do a job, not make friends.
        Friends are overrated, she shrugged to herself, walking over to her desk. She shook her head at the notion that Thomas would cheat on his wife. But she couldn’t deny the feelings she had buried were starting to bubble up to the surface. She switched her desktop monitor on. It began compiling messages and memos.
        Fonda sat down in the chair and looked at her quarters. Things were still out of their place. It grated on Fonda’s nerves, but she hadn’t been able to spend any significant amount of time in her quarters for anything other than sleep. A family photo laid askew. Her PADDs were out of order in the PADD organizer. She fought the impulse to start cleaning, because she knew that if she started, she wouldn’t finish until it was time for her next shift.
        She glanced at the monitor’s chrono display. 1700 hours. She had more than enough time for a sonic and change of clothes, and she’d be able to do some work as well.
        She stood and walked over to the bathroom to start the sonic shower. She stopped and looked at herself in the mirror. Her long blond hair was held in place into a ponytail, but strands had come free and hung over her forehead. Her skin looked pale. Her lips were nonexistent.
        She reached over to tap on the mirror controls that were inset in the frame. She activated the reversal feature. The few holographic emitters inside the frame flipped the image on the mirror, so now she could see herself as others saw her.
        She looked at the person who Johnson would be seeing. It wasn’t an appealing sight.
        She brushed back her hair and turned to look at the sonic shower control. As she turned, she noticed the bathtub. She stared at it. Her eyebrows raised as she realized that she had never used her water privileges for a hot bath. She leaned over the tub to open the cabinet in the wall. She smiled to herself after she found a bottle of cherry essence that her daughter had sent her as a birthday gift years ago. It hadn’t been opened yet.
        She opened the bottle and inhaled in the scent of ripe cherries. “Computer, activate bath tub water, hot but not exceeding safe levels.” Water began rushing out of the faucet into the tub. She closed the bottle, setting it next to the faucet. She waved her hands under the water, checking it. The wet heat flowed up her arm.
        She walked back out into the living area, to her desk. She began unzipping her uniform and turned off her monitor.

        Keemot, the commerce station’s manager, ushered them past strange, new aliens. Fonda hurried up to keep pace with Keemot and Johnson. Keemot had long legs, and walked quickly. He also spoke quickly as well. Fonda wasn’t sure if it was his species’ natural tendency, or if Keemot was just high-strung.
        They came to a stop in front of an elegant looking restaurant. Unlike the other restaurants nearby, there were no windows to see inside. Keemot went up to an alien standing by the entrance with what seemed to be a sort of PADD.
        Keemot leaned down to speak to the shorter alien. They carried on a hushed conversation before the alien tapped on his PADD. Keemot walked back to Johnson and Fonda.
        “All is arranged,” the station manager declared. “Come, let me introduce you.” They walked up to the other alien. “This is the proprietor of Hwwwahhsshh, this restaurant. His name is Gesumou.”
        “Hello and welcome to this station,” Gesumou said, touching Johnson’s chest then Fonda’s chest. “A table shall be readied in less than a moment. Follow.”
        Keemot smiled broadly, exposing his elongated canine teeth. Not for the first time, Fonda thought of R’Thor, a similar feline humanoid that served as the helmsman of the Kitty Hawk. “Enjoy your meal!” he said before turning to walk off.
        Johnson and Fonda were seated in a softly lit dining area. It was a change from the loud noises and bright lights outside in the corridors of the perpetual Bazaar. From somewhere, the faint sound of music played. Only a few other people were dining at the restaurant. Johnson and Fonda sat down opposite each other. Their table was octagonal, and covered with a cloth that had a slick sheen to it, but felt warm and deeply textured to the touch. A waiter with soft downy hair and saggy wrinkles walked to the table and put down two sheets and waited. He seemed related to the Yridians.
        “Looks expensive,” Fonda said after taking in her surroundings.
        Johnson chuckled. “Exactly what I was thinking. Don’t worry, Keemot said he’d take care of the cost. Still, in the spirit of interstellar diplomacy, I wouldn’t order the most expensive thing on the menu.”
        Fonda looked at the menu sheet the waiter had handed them. “I wouldn’t know what’s the most expensive or least. I can’t read this.”
        Johnson looked up at the waiter. “Uh, we can’t read this language.”
        The waiter looked at his PADD, and made several scratches on the device’s display.
        Fonda noticed motion out of the corner of her eye, and looked back down at the menu. The text had changed into Federation Standard. “That’s better,” she said.
        Johnson smiled and nodded at the waiter.
        The waiter turned and walked off.
        “Not much of a talker, is he?” Fonda murmured.
        “Maybe it costs extra for him to talk.”
        Fonda read over the menu. “Oh look, they have a feature to show pictures of the dishes.” She tapped on the menu sheet. Small pictures dissolved into view next to text descriptions. “Ew.”
        “What?”
        “Uh, bottom of the menu, something called Wwurour.”
        Johnson scanned down the menu. “Oh.” It showed a picture of what seemed to be a small mammalian creature laying on its back with its stomach sliced open. Intestines and other internal organs spilled out of the opening. The animal laid in a bowl of something that looked very much like human blood. “I’ve eaten pagh and haggis, and that looks worse than the two combined.”
        Several minutes, the waiter returned with two goblets of water and silently took the Starfleet officers’ orders. He walked off without uttering a sound.
        Fonda watched Johnson take a sip of his water. He set the goblet down and swiped a finger down through the condensation that was already forming on the glass-like material.
        “Cred for your thoughts,” Fonda said.
        “A whole credit?” Johnson looked up into Fonda’s eyes. “Not just a tenth?”
        “You look like you’re thinking big thoughts. A credit seems commensurate.”
        Johnson brushed off the cuff of his uniform. Apparently Keemot shed like a Earth cat as well. He picked off strands of tawny orange hair. He sighed and looked up from his hand. He held Fonda’s gaze for what seemed like a long moment.
        She flushed a little bit.
        “Yeah...” Johnson sighed. “I’ve been thinking a lot recently. I’m really happy you agreed to come to dinner with me.” He reached out and put a hand on Fonda’s hand.
        “I consider you a very close friend. We’ve been together for a long time. You’ve always been someone I can depend on and turn to in times of need.” He squeezed her hand. The contact sent a tingle through Fonda.
        “I have something I want to tell you. I haven’t told anyone else this yet.” Johnson paused and looked at Fonda directly. “I hope you can keep this quiet from other people.”
        “Of course, Thomas,” Fonda said. Her throat seemed to constrict, and the tightness went all the way down to the pit of her belly. She didn’t know why, but she felt afraid. It seemed as if her whole body was now in fight-or-flight mode.
        Johnson shut his eyes and hung his head down. “I don’t know why this is so hard for me to say. I guess it’s because if I say it, I pass a point of no return. Once it’s out, I can’t take it back. It... uh... it becomes real.”
        Fonda’s heart was beating faster and faster. She felt angry that her body was betraying her. Johnson squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back harder. She put her other hand on top of his and held it.
        “Go on, Thomas,” she told him softly. “Say it.”
        Johnson looked up at the light fixtures in the darkened ceiling, then tilted his head down to look at Fonda in the eyes.
        “My father’s dead.”
        Fonda blinked. All of Schrödinger’s possibilities, all of the possible things that Fonda imagined that Johnson might say to her, collapsed into this single statement. “Oh,” she let out in a faint whisper.
        “He died a few days ago. I just found out today from my sister.”
        “I’m... I'm sorry to hear that.”
        Johnson sighed and scratched at his scalp through his crew cut. “I’m still processing it all. You know, I really meant it when I said I was happy you came with me. There’s nobody else on the ship that I’d rather be with tonight. I can’t explain it, but this... wave of loneliness just came over me after I read Jennifer’s news.” He twisted his mouth into a frown and shrugged.
        “I thought about calling Lisa.”
        Fonda grimaced but quickly put on a concerned face.
        Johnson shook his head. “Too bad the Midas Array can’t be used any time. Too much prep to do just for a single connection, as you know. But... I can be with you.”
        Waiters arrived with the food, and Johnson broke free from Fonda’s hold. The waiters quickly set down their dishes and Johnson began eating.
        Fonda wiped the sweat off her palms on her trousers then picked up her utensils and began picking at her food.

        Johnson and Fonda stood in silence in the turbolift. The deck lights flashed behind them. Johnson cleared his throat and said, “There’s something else I haven’t mentioned. My father sent me a holo message. I haven’t looked at it yet. I was... I was thinking maybe you could come with me to the holodeck and watch it with me?”
        Fonda opened her mouth in slight surprise. “Oh... if you want me to, I’d be honored to.”
        “Thank you,” Johnson smiled sadly. “Holodeck One.”
        The turbolift changed direction and moved down the decks. A minute later, they walked to the large interlocked double doors of Holodeck One. Johnson went up to the controls. “Computer, access Johnson Holodeck Database and load Johnson Senior file.”
        The doors slid open for them, and they walked into the unadorned holographic room. Rows of yellow tinged holographic emitters lined the black room. Johnson frowned at the surroundings. “Computer, load generic living room, then play file.”
        The black and yellow gridwork blurred into a house’s living room. A couch lined the wall, and a coffee table was set in front of the couch. An abstract painting hung on the wall, and a plant sat in the corner. The colors were in a neutral earth tone. It seemed as prefabricated as the arrangements in the ship’s guest quarters.
        An older man appeared in the center of the room, automatically positioned opposite Johnson. Fonda recognized him as Johnson’s father. He was much older than she remembered him. Deep wrinkles lined his face, and bags hung underneath his eyes. His grey hair had thinned and turned into a yellowish white tone. His bony knuckles showed as he gripped his cane tightly.
        Johnson gasped softly at the sudden appearance of his dead father. He sighed and looked at the holographic man. “Dad...”
        “Hello Thomas…,” the old man said. He sighed and went on.
        “By the time you receive this message, I’ll be joining your mother. Tom, remember the day you took me on your ship, the Kitty Hawk, to the site where the Lexington was destroyed?”
        Johnson nodded automatically, forgetting that he was looking at a prerecorded message.
        Johnson Senior gripped the head of his cane with both hands. “And while we were there you told me that you were becoming like me? That day made me realize something. I set a bad example. I was so involved with my own... affairs that I didn’t pay enough attention to you, or to Jenny.
        “You know... I didn’t realize it until much later that you were trying to kill yourself on the original Kitty Hawk. Everyone else considers it an heroic, patriotic act. The captain going down with his ship, if you will. But I know. It’s lucky you found someone who was willing to work with you and support you. Lisa’s a wonderful woman. Most people don’t get second chances at love. You did, so you better consider yourself damn lucky.
        “I don’t know if you believe me when I say you and Jenny are the two most important people in my life now. If something ever happened to you or Jenny I am not sure what I would have done. A parent should not have to bury their children before them.
        “So... I tried. I tried very hard to change. I’m an old man. Stuck in my ways. I tried to see one of those counselors for a little while. We talked about your mother. And some other things. It was okay, but I don’t know... I tried. I hope you give me credit for that, at least.
        “I let your uncles take over the day-to-day operations of the shipyard. I went on a tour around the solar system. Every so often I wanted to send you a message, but... I thought I’d just let you live your life. If you wanted me back in your life, you’d contact me. I thought we had enough time left.
        “I didn’t plan on getting lethal doses of radiation on a reactor accident on the U.E.S. Ares at the shipyard. Stupid old man that I am, I decided to stick my nose in to watch them build the newest ship of the line. At least I was able to do something good. Saved some lives. It made me feel more alive. Felt good to make a difference. That must be how you feel every day on your ship, out there. Making a difference.
        The elder Johnson shrugged. “For better or worse, I did the best I could with you two. I know I could have done better, but you’d have to admit I could have done a lot worse. You turned out pretty allright. Jenny too. I’m proud of you both. Although I probably haven’t shown it enough, I love you both tremendously.”
        He stared at his cane for a moment, before lifting his head up to look at Johnson. “I hope you can find it in yourself to forgive an old man for his mistakes and failings. And grant him one last request... make the stars your own.”
        He smiled sadly at Johnson. “I love you. Goodbye.”
        The old man faded from view.
        Fonda watched as Johnson’s shoulders sagged. He walked slowly to the couch and sank down into the couch. Tears were already streaming down his face. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he kept swallowing.
        Fonda didn’t know what to do. She found herself walking over to the couch and sitting by his side. She reached her hand up and gripped his shoulder.
        Johnson let out a loud sob. It sounded strangled, as if it fought its way out of Johnson’s mouth. He clapped his hands over his face and bent over. His shoulders heaved as he sobbed more and harder.
        Fonda was taken aback at this display of raw emotion. Half of her wanted to slide out of the holodeck and leave him alone. The other half of her, the part of her that cared for him so much, reached out for him. She put her arm around his shoulders, hugging him.
        “It’s allright... it’s allright...”
        “I’m... I’m sorry” Johnson choked out between sobs. “I don’t know why... don’t know why I’m crying so much.”
        “It’s okay. It’s a major event. You lost your father.”
        Johnson looked at Fonda from his hunched over position. “It’s not just that. It’s... I didn’t think this would happen. Not so soon. I always thought... maybe someday we would talk things over. Patch things up. And now... now there’s no going back. Even though I hated the way he did things... I still loved him. I do. And he’s gone. Why did I have to be so stubborn? Why did I have to carry around my stupid fucking grudge? He had to die thinking that... that I didn’t love him. He’s gone. And my mother’s gone. They’re not coming back.”
        He cried some more, then gasped for air again. He swallowed and wiped away the tears on his face. “And... and even if I knew earlier, I couldn’t have gone back home. I can’t go back to Uncle Patrick. I can’t go back to Jennifer. I should be there, but I can’t. I can’t even see my fucking wife! She’s even farther away, on the outskirts of the Beta Quadrant!”
        Johnson wiped his wet nose with the sleeve of his uniform. “I’m just so alone.” He gasped for breath. “I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t know why I ran so far away from home. I need to go home.”
        “You’re not alone,” Fonda said. “You have friends here. You have me.” She threw her arms around him, holding him. He turned his head and buried his face on Fonda’s shoulder, weeping softly.
        Fonda slid her hand up the back of Johnson’s head, holding him. “It’s allright... I’m here. I’m with you.” She bent her head to the side to kiss him on the cheek.
        He threw his arms around her, hugging her tightly. He pulled back slightly and looked up into Fonda’s eyes. His eyes were red and his cheeks were wet. He leaned forward, resting his forehead on Fonda’s forehead. He was breathing deeply. “Thanks.”
        Fonda reached up to stroke his cheek, wiping a teardrop away. She leaned her face forward, pressing her lips against his. Johnson didn’t react for a few seconds then kissed her back.
        They kissed fiercely for a long moment, then Johnson jerked away. “No, wait. Wait.”
        Fonda shut her eyes tightly and turned her head away.”I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
        “No, no,” Johnson said. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I’m sorry.” He slid to the other end of the couch. “For a minute it was like being back with Lisa. I needed to feel that love so bad. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
        Tears began welling up in Fonda’s eyes and she blinked them away.
        The light of realization seemed to flash in Johnson’s eyes. Johnson stared at her. “You... you?”
        Fonda couldn’t bring herself to say anything so she only nodded several times.
        “How long?”
        Fonda stifled a sob and sniffed. “Long enough.”
        “Janelle, why didn’t you say anything?”
        “Because... you wouldn’t. Lisa.. and... you’re my captain. You wouldn’t. We couldn’t. There was no point in saying anything.” She looked at him with watery eyes. “If I had, would you have...”
        Johnson looked at the floor for a minute. Then he shook his head. “No. I love Lisa too much. I couldn’t do that to her.”
        “I know. I always knew that. Doesn’t stop what I’ve been feeling though. I hate it. I’m so stupid.”
        “No, Janelle. No you’re not. I mean, you looked fantastic tonight. And you’re an incredible woman. You’re-”
        “Stop it, Tom,” Fonda snapped as she stood up. She crossed her arms and shook her head. “You’re giving me the ‘You’re a great person, and if I weren’t involved’ speech. Don’t do that. That doesn’t help at all. I’m still not going to get what I want.”
        Johnson frowned silently on the couch. “Yeah,” he whispered.
        Fonda shrugged and chuckled. “It’s a stupid little crush. I’m sorry, I just lost myself in the moment. Don’t worry about it. Let’s just forget about it.”
        “Yeah, okay.”
        “I’m really sorry about your father, Thomas. I hope you feel better soon. You really should talk to Lisa as soon as possible. I know you miss her badly, and you need her now.”
        “You’re right,” Johnson nodded, slowly getting to his feet.
        Fonda nodded and rubbed her arms as she hugged herself. “It’s late, so I’m going back to my quarters. Sleep well.”
        “You too, Janelle.”
        Fonda called for the doors to open. A hole in the room opened up, showing the corridor. Fonda turned to walk through the doorway.
        “Thanks!” Johnson called out after her. “Thanks... for everything.”
        Fonda nodded strongly enough so Johnson could see it from her back. She turned and disappeared out of sight.

        Fonda slammed her body down on her bed as she sobbed. She turned over onto her back, wiping her tears away as she sobbed some more. “Stupid. Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid,” she muttered viciously to herself. “Why did you do that? Why?”
        She gulped several times, sniffing. She laid there in the dark, waiting until she calmed down.
        “Personal Log, begin entry,” she called out in the darkness.
        “Ready.”
        “Well, I’ve figured out what I should have done. I never should have accepted the transfer to the Courageous. Now I’m going to be stuck working with him and seeing him every day for the next five years. He’ll share all his thoughts and secrets with me, but it’ll never go any further than that, and I can’t stand it. And it’s too late to put in for a transfer. I wish I could stop loving him, but I can’t. And now I’m stuck.”
        Fonda sighed, rubbing her eyes. “Look at me. I’m so selfish. He’s lost his father and I’m whining about this. I sure have my priorities straight. Forget it. Computer, delete log entry.”
        “Confirmation needed for deletion.”
        “Delete it.”
        “Log entry deleted.”
        Fonda sighed. “Set wake-up alarm for 0525 hours.”
        “Set.”
        Fonda turned onto her side. She dragged one of her pillows down alongside her body. She put her arm over it and hugged it close to her, and stared at the shadows on the wall of her bedroom.